Miss Jaiya's Journey into the Realm of the Sensual
Posted at 12:30 PM Apr 16, 2008
Miss Jaiya is part of a growing contigent of sexuality educators who are hands on and unafraid of engaging with sexuality in its many forms - especially as it connects to greater issues of identity and well-being.
Naked City editor Audacia Ray emailed with Miss Jaiya, who is based in California, about her many skills, the relationship between porn and explicit sex ed videos, and the importance of personal experience in her teaching.
Audacia Ray: I live in New York so I’m a little bit suspicious of the whole tantra thing, partly because I feel like I don’t have time for it. What do you say about tantra to people who are curious about your work but also a little leery of the new agey stuff?
Miss Jaiya: Tantra is a huge field of study and a dedicated path for many people, but Tantric Sex can give you simple tools to enhance your love life without dedication to a spiritual path or huge lifestyle change. One of my biggest goals has been to demystify Tantra and bring it into a grounded field for anyone to be able to use. Tantra in its essence says “yes” to all forms of sex and is about accepting all of who we are. And who doesn’t want to be accepted for their desires and passions? And Tantra doesn’t have take a lot of time. You can do a whole practice in 5 minutes or that same practice could last a week. You can also start simple by incorporating a technique here and there instead of trying to create an elaborate ritual. Just looking your partner in the eyes and holding their gaze is a way to bring a Tantric element into your lovemaking. Or how about being present during sex, instead of letting your mind wander off and worry about the bills that need to be paid? Staying present doesn’t involve time and isn’t some “out there” concept. Just focus your thoughts a little, pay attention to the sensations happening in your body, your breath, how connected you feel to your partner, or the pleasure you are giving. Lots of people disassociate during sex because of past trauma or shame and guilt around feeling sexual pleasure. It is very important to notice this and try to bring yourself back to the moment. Many people say to me “I just thought that there had to be more to sex.” That is where the spiritual aspects of Tantra come into play. I think women have a much easier time with this concept (you hear women screaming “Oh GOD!” during high moments of pleasure) but the separation of sex and spirit has cut us off from really enjoying and owning that we are human and divine. I think that the moment of orgasm takes us there, whether we are practicing Tantra or not.
Three more questions and their answers are after the jump.
AR: There are several different aspects of your work – education, bodywork, and tantra to name a few. What is the ethos that ties them all together?
MJ: It has been a huge process tying all of my passions together. For many years I separated the sensual from the bodywork and the bodywork from the education, it seemed a challenge to blend everything I loved together, but I knew that ultimately my calling was to that very thing. I had been a Tantra teacher for a number of years and a licensed massage therapist, then I got a certification as a sex educator, but this certification allows teaching through touch. We are called Sexological Bodyworkers. Finally I found a profession that allowed me to blend education, touch, tantra and sensuality all together. I began to teach couples and singles how to connect deeper through erotic touch and sexual healing techniques. I always knew that by connecting all of it together profound results would occur. I see people having better sex lives, re-connecting, healing, and releasing shame that allows more pleasure to come into their lives. Women who have never had orgasms suddenly flush, men with erectile dysfunction breathing deep and relaxing into the experience of full blood flow. I think that the biggest key is the release of shame and pressure. These aspects of my work allow people to relax into their sexual pleasure and let go of deep imprints that have held them back not just in the bedroom but throughout their lives.
AR: How important a role does personal experience play in the ability to be a good professional in the sex world?
JM: Personal experience is a must. Sometimes I think my partners are the luckiest people in the world because they get to be my guinea pigs. These past weeks I have been studying sexual positions for a new DVD, so that means that my partner gets to explore with me. I can’t teach it if I haven’t felt it in my body and experienced the sensations, emotions, and thoughts that occur during the experience. That being said, I don’t think that I can ever really be a complete sex expert because there is so much to discover about our sex lives. I will never stop exploring and I will never stop learning. I think that if a person is choosing a teacher of sex they should look at how that teacher’s sex life is. Learn from the people who are getting the results that you wish to have. I can proudly say that I am having the best sex of my life, but that is not all, I am also sharing deep, intimate relationships and profound personal growth through those relationships. I think that it also takes a lot of great training to be a good professional in the sex world. As a society we have not been given education when it comes to our sexuality, but there are those of us who dedicate ourselves to becoming experts in the field. And for me great training doesn’t just mean talking about and studying sex from books, it means getting my whole body involved, after all, isn’t that what sex is really about? We can talk about it all day, but until we feel it in our bodies, then we can say that we know it.
AR: In collaboration with New World Sex Education, you’ve recently released the first two videos in your series Red Hot Touch. What is the relationship between the work you do in these videos and porn?
JM: I really struggled with this one. I wasn’t sure if I should put myself nude in my own videos, but I am very glad that I did. I feel that my touch skill and level of embodied pleasure are good models and translate well through the videos. First, let me say that I am not against porn, but I do have some ideas about ways that we can model healthier sexuality and women in more powerful roles. I feel that the definition of pornography is a personal one. Some people would say that the videos we produced are no different than porn and others would say that they are nowhere near it. My thoughts have always been that the videos lie in the realm of educational erotica, perhaps I am creating a new genre. I think that the biggest difference is the creation of a new model for sex. In the majority of porn videos I see men thrusting in and out of a woman over and over. Usually the bodies are plastic and hard. I wanted to create a new model for people to learn from which came out of the issues that I saw over and over in my practice. People have learned how to have sex from watching porn and that kind of sex isn’t always orgasmic for a woman. For example, the first two inches of the vaginal canal are the most pleasurable because of the location of the g-spot, but the g-spot is not stimulated through “in and out” intercourse unless a guy knows how to angle himself correctly and has a nice curve to his penis. So I produced my videos to be beautiful erotica that model different ways to touch for sexual pleasure. I had no idea that my life would lead me to producing something that fits into the category of pornography and that I enjoyed the process so much I hope to do an Ultimate Lovemaking Series that models real sexual intercourse and oral sex that is connected, embodied and intensely pleasurable.
Jaiya, your videos are fantastic! It is a pleasure to have you in my life.
Posted by: Destin Gerek at April 16, 2008 4:15 PM
