The Hardest Thing About Being a Sex Worker (hint: it's not cock-related)
Posted at 3:24 PM May 20, 2008
Sex Worker Rant runs on Tuesdays and is written by Renegade Evolution, a sex worker, sexual mercenary, and all around fan of “The Sexy” living somewhere near our nation’s capital. Quirky might as well be her middle name.
If you're a sex worker of almost any type, and you're out about it, you soon learn that you will get asked a whole lot of weird questions. You will get asked things accountants, tech people, and waitresses do not get asked. People who hardly know you will ask things that your momma, partner, and shrink wouldn't ask outright. You will get asked flat out if you've been molested or raped, or if you are on drugs, or a drop out, and yep, you will get asked "how much for a blow job?" I mean really, would people ask their dentist these things? I am betting no. Yet, as a sex worker, you soon find that in the minds and realms of "normal people," you are alien. Boundaries of common sense, decorum and privacy seemingly no longer apply to you, at least in the minds of normal people.
I've been asked some weird shit in my day: Do fear going to Hell? Am I into chicks? Can I lick my own clit? How many cocks can I take at once? Have I ever cried on a porn set? Ever been raped on the job? And, the two questions that always come: What do my loved ones think of my career and why do I do it?
I've started making up really creative and outrageous answers, especially when virtual strangers ask these questions.
Another one I hear a lot is "What's the hardest part of your job?"
Well, I can say this truthfully and with authority. It's not the weird hours. It's not the seven-inch heels. It's not the fasting and enemas before an anal scene. It's not the rough fucking, or the getting groped by drunk guys, or body upkeep, or getting throat-fucked. It's not the hustle, it's not the strangers, it's not the getting naked, it's not the physical work. It's not the waxing, it's not the tit job, it's not the scrubbing cum out of my hair. It's not the names, it's not STD testing, it's not the crawling on all fours to pick up tip money off the floor.
It's the objectification. From normal people. With their normal lives and abnormal questions. That is the hardest part, and it's not even a hard part that feels good. I like my job, I have bad days, but mostly I love what I do, and I take pride in my work. The hardest part is normal people not getting that, then asking me how old was I when I first took it in the ass, how many guys have I fucked, and do I know where they could score some blow? It's being made someone's argument against my industry. It's being not quite human to a whole lot of people. Normal people. Who I find myself liking less and less each day.
That, true believers, is the hardest part.
Read Renegade Evolution's blog here.
more: Sex Worker Rant
I was once asked by a client what it felt like to be raped. He didn't ask me whether I had been raped, but INSTEAD, what it felt like to be raped(assuming already that I had been at some point).
Then he asked me if it might feel good to be raped, sometimes. WOW.
Though I imagine this was more about his fantasy of being raped than being an insensitive and naive prick, I wasn't amused.
And didn't see him again.
Posted by: Ms. Astrid at May 20, 2008 4:15 PM
Wow, well said.
I think the sex biz really identifies which guys are wedded to the false madonna/whore dichotomy. They only see two categories: (1) sexless mommy and (2) whore who is raped and into drugs and does anything that moves and will go to Hell, but is amazing in bed.
I don't know who has it worse, the women they type as (1) or those they type as (2). I do know the ones who discard those they type as (2) to marry the (1s) will eventually migrate back to the (2) category -- some of my regulars were in this group.
It's even more depressing when women buy into this same dichotomy.
Posted by: octogalore at May 20, 2008 8:13 PM
Excellent post.
My "favorite" part of being an out sex worker is how anti-sex feminists feel totally justified in accusing me of being a rape survivor as a means to discredit my opinions. I just adore how those people think that "raped!" is the best way to belittle women who disagree with them. If that's what the big ol' sisterhood of normal womankind looks like, I'll stick with the whores and the sluts, thank you.
Posted by: Furry Girl at May 20, 2008 8:53 PM
Furry- Don't get me started on the Sisterhood. Gah.
Octo- funny, often, seems to me the women buy into it way more than the men a lot of the time.
Astrid- "that is fucked up" is understatement on my part.
Posted by: Ren at May 20, 2008 9:15 PM
Ren: I have a button that says, "Internet Porn Made Me A Better Person", and it's not just funny, it's true. This is the first time in my life I've had lady-friends, and I think it's great. I was a slut before I was a sex worker, and I was a tomboy before that, so I've really spent my whole life being picked on and ostracized by girls/women for not conforming to their norms. This is why, even with an understanding of male-originated sexism and oppressive bullshit, *women* have always been "the enemy" in my life.
Posted by: Furry Girl at May 20, 2008 11:18 PM
Furry Girl, I have exactly the same experience as you - before I worked in the sex industry, I didn't have female friends at all. But over the last seven years I've formed really strong relationships with women, all the result of being a ho!
Posted by: Audacia Ray at May 21, 2008 12:21 AM
lol, must be a running theme...jock to ho in my life as well...and more female friends than I used to have.
Posted by: Ren at May 21, 2008 12:42 AM
Dacia, I hear you. The dommes I work with and around are the smartest, sexiest, coolest people I know. I feel honored to be involved in a community with them.
So...we rock!
Posted by: Ms. Astrid at May 21, 2008 11:50 AM
I'm not a sex worker, but I definitely related to this post. I think part of why I am trying to get away from sex writing (somewhat) is because I hate that feeling of being "othered" and always being "the sex person" in the room instead of just, like, a person. This sense of superiority those you call the "normal people" feel is so sad and pathetic, like they have to ask you those things to ensure that they are sufficiently different from you to justify that superiority.
Posted by: Rachel Kramer Bussel at May 21, 2008 3:00 PM
Rachel...in the Brief time I got to speak to you at sex2.o...you are way more than that...and credit where it's due, one of your articles actually worked as inspiration for me to blog...
and, on the othering thing...you might (i say might...like this http://renegadeevolution.blogspot.com/2008/05/you-sisterhood.html even if you're not a sex worker!
Posted by: Ren at May 22, 2008 2:19 AM
