How can single men get into the group sex mix?
Posted at 2:10 PM Jun 04, 2008
Where should I start if I am interested in experimenting with my sexuality beyond a single person? As a single male, it is rather difficult to find access and I am a bit wary about sites like adultfriendfinder - as you just never really know who these people are.
The main thing you will need to be equipped with, as a single man seeking action and adventure beyond coupling, is patience. You have basically two options when it comes to meeting, greeting, and hopefully bedding the sex partners of your fantasies: use the internet or go to events. A mix of the two is ideal.
You say you are wary of online hookup sites, which is legit, but if you avoid the internet entirely your options are going to be seriously curtailed.
There are basically two theories of online courtship that single men have: 1) write carefully thought out, personalized responses to particular ads that strike your fancy and 2) cut and paste basic information about yourself in the hopes that the recipients see something they like and write back.
Although the first tactic is recommended by most dating professionals, it's really time consuming in a world where single men seeking action are a dime a dozen. There's nothing wrong with cut and paste - just make it personable and authentic. Don't do: "6' blue/brown 8 inches cut." That's lame and not memorable. Write something solid, and add in a sentence or two about why you responded to that particular ad. If you're using a site with profiles, make sure yours is filled out.
Having an online presence beyond hookup sites is good too - and something to look for in people you're checking out, as well as create yourself. If you want to keep your hookup self separate from your personal Facebook account, that's fine, but creating a digital trail for your online hookup identity is a good thing. Comment on sex blogs using that screen name, and participate in other sexy online activities that show you're personally invested.
As far as the in-person hunt goes, there will be a lot of sexy parties - both on premise and off-premise swing events - that you won't be able to get in to. That's a little frustrating, but remember that if you were able to get in solo, you'll be competing with lots of other single dudes.
I think the best way to meet people who might be down with naughtiness is to go to sex-themed but not necessarily swinger events - erotic art shows, classes at your local woman-owned sex shop, etc. Go in without the assumption that you're going to be in a tangled sweaty mess of strangers within hours. Assume that you'll meet nice and hopefully sexy people, that you'll start to get to know them, and that they might fuck you sometime in the future. No strings attached doesn't mean that you don't like the people you do it with or that you have no regard for them except as sexual beings - if your approach isn't desperate or urgent, your chances are much better.
--Audacia Ray
more: ISO
Thank you for this.
I go to TONS of events. Getting over the desperate part is the tricky one:)
Posted by: axe at June 4, 2008 11:32 PM
