Five Terrible Substitutes for Lube

Posted at 11:09 AM Jul 17, 2008

Lots of people feel like it's cheating to use lube - but I say, the wetter the better. There are a lot of great lubes on the market today, and a growing number of them are available in drug stores, so you never have to set foot in a sex shop if you don't want to. Despite that, people still use household materials as lube, and this is almost always a bad idea. You've got a little more leeway if you're a guy and you are going at it all by yourself, but if you're a woman, partnered with a woman, or using latex condoms, using slippery things that you can find around the house is a pretty terrible idea. Here are some don'ts and the reasons why they're bad:

1. Body wash/liquid soap/shampoo: There's definitely nothing wrong with giving your pubes a good scrub - this can get rid of loose hairs and make your pubic hair soft and silky. But while it's totally tempting to grab whatever you can for slippery fun in the shower, you'll probably regret using one of these as lube. Know how it stings when you get soap in your eyes? Well, your urethra is a mucous membrane too, and it'll probably feel like that when you get soap inside it. Excessive soap can also dry out your skin, especially the sensitive skin of your genitals, and if you're female, excessive use of soap on your genitals can encourage yeast infections. Try using a silicone lube instead - it's pretty water proof so you can use it while you're in the shower. And it won't sting.

2. Olive oil: Here's the thing - you might complain that "personal lubricants" that are intended for use during sex are expensive. But olive oil is definitely not cheaper than commercially available lubes. So, seriously, stop that. If you're a guy, using olive oil isn't the worst thing in the world, but if you're female, it will help to usher bacteria into your vagina. And don't even think of using it with condoms - anything oil-based will break down that latex and make it useless.

3. Crisco: Though it has a special place in many gay men's, um, hearts, there are a lot better materials than Crisco these days. Crisco was favored as an anal lube and lube for fisting because it stays put - but it breaks down latex, and there are other things available today. Lots of them come in tubs reminiscent of Crisco containers too: Boy Butter, Bottoms Up Butt Wax... et cetera.

4. Baby oil: Again, it's an oil, so you know what it does to condoms. Though not the worst of the worst, if you're a lady its a pretty lousy idea to get oil into your parts because of the potential for bacteria but also because it won't easily reabsorb into your body like a water-based lube will, so you'll be extra-slippery for probably longer than you'd like to be. The biggest risk for guys is probably just slopping the stuff all over - baby oil is really thin and you'll probably have a squirty, stainy mishap with the bottle.

5. Spit: Ok, technically this isn't a terrible idea at all, but spit is mostly good as an effect and to reactivate water-based lube once you've got it on there. On it's own, spit is better than nothing, but it won't really keep the fires stoked - it dries out quickly and you'll probably get tired of making it. If you're going to use spit with a partner, you might want to feel out their opinions on it before you hock a loogey on him or her. Some folks are into it, while others will kick your ass out of bed.

--Audacia Ray

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