Save the Young Men's Egos!
Posted at 3:58 PM Jul 07, 2008
This lede is, apparently, not a joke:
Predatory women are destroying the sexual confidence of young men in Ireland -- with some men as young as 20 now turning to Viagra to prop up their flagging libido.A growing 'ladette' culture of women who prefer instant action is proving so intimidating that more and more young men are taking the blue pill to cope.
This from the Independent, which expresses not just concern about the fragile young men, but horror at the behavior of young women, who are acting like men!
I'm not poo-pooing the idea that men are under increasing societal pressure to perform, but this isn't anything new, and it's a narrow view of the heavily gendered expectations/demands that people face. Viagra as an ego-booster is only one piece of the puzzle when it comes to impossible ideals of sexuality. Also, I can't help but have a bit of a negative reaction to an article about men feeling insecure about their sexual performance - welcome to what women experience all the damn time.
--Audacia Ray
Hi Dacia,
The only reason men have a reputation for being "always ready" is that, um, since we're assigned the traditional role of initiators that's meant that *by definition* if we weren't ready we weren't initiating.
And when people say women are "acting like men" what they mean is "women aren't waiting for him to make the first move."
A corollary, by the way: when you say "welcome to what women experience all the time" a big part of what you're saying is "men are having to deal with initiation when they're not ready."
But here's the stupid thing: if you define "needs propping up" as "needs help getting in the mood" then...
Ok, *two* things. If you define "needs propping up" as "needs help getting in the mood" then...
1) "Foreplay," which originally meant "stuff he's got to do to get her ready for sex" stops looking so gendered since, *surprise* it's as much a function of initiation or being initiated upon rather than "complicated lady parts."
2) It's an opportunity for women to play, instead of the traditional be "played with," which has those gendered undertones of "play catch up." And it's an opportunity for men to learn to be played with as well as to play. Which, if you try it, is actually pretty awesome... *if* you don't trip over the idea that men are failures if they're not always johnny on the spot.
figleaf
Posted by: figleaf at July 8, 2008 6:06 PM
