There is a card for every occasion, of this we have absolutely no doubt. Most recently, we have become enamoured of WrongCards, a collection made by a mysterious Australian with a wicked sense of humor and apparent fascination with ducks. We'll ignore the latter in favor of the product, which is, if we may, just the thing to ensure this week culminates in a proper fuckfest.

Hey, Wanna Fuck?

You could comment on their shoes and ask if they'd care to fuck or you can send them this. Something about the bodies and the awkward humor... if they laugh right in your face, you can always pretend they really liked the card. Otherwise, you're all set for a night of genital rubbing.

Always a good time.

Oh, look. TargetMap has taken a break from mapping out important world developments to bring us a map of the world colored according to penis size (in cm):

via TargetMap

Interested in our post about her Purim celebration this weekend, Sex and the 405 did an interview with Dr. Susan Block about how she arrived at her interpretation of the Book of Esther. Here's a peek:

Running a little late on making plans? Hey, we know how it is. It's easy to forget those holidays which have no real significance to us. We're guessing that despite the Catholic connotations of Saint Patrick's Day, mass is really the last thing on your mind, so here's another suggestion: Lust Affair at the Stone Rose.

Of all the things in the world to steal, why would you go for used sex toys? This is the sort of thing you might expect of a rejected lover, or a crazed stalker, but Mitchell Tice was apparently neither of these. No, the 40-year-old was an employee of the restaurant owned by the couple from whom he stole the goods.

Tice, the breakfast cook, took the items along with two laptops and a wig from their storage locker in January. The Florida police were tipped off when his girlfriend told detectives that he had stashed a bag of dildos under the bed and flat-out admitted he had stolen these from his employers.

We've all seen FreeCreditReport.com's Dream Girl, about the guy who marries his dream girl and ends up living in her parents' basement because her credit is shot. "If we'd gone to FreeCreditReport.com," he sings, "I'd be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard."

All right, fine, so the number one reason marriages fail is usually related to finances, but we didn't really take the commercial seriously. Irresponsibility isn't the only thing that can muddle up a credit report and any way -- it's not like it's something you can't rectify with some planning and foresight. Or so we thought:

Craigslist. Useful, absurd, fascinating, creepy and tonight, a little hopeful. Here's an exchange that unfolded right in Missed Connections:

Courtesy of Dr. Susan Block.

In Jewish tradition, Purim commemorates a time when the Jewish in Persia were saved from extermination. This story is told in the Book of Esther. Over in downtown Los Angeles, however, Dr. Susan Block has a different take on the Biblical tale: salvation via Esther's "weapons of mass seduction."

To celebrate the holiday, the Sunday school teacher-turned-sexologist is hosting an erotic rendition of the story of Esther featuring porn stars, actors, artists, martial artists, belly dancers, and comedians:

Besides massive quantities of alcohol, the Story of Esther features sex, seduction, masquerade, exhibitionism, erotic teasing, sexual harassment, debauchery, feasting, dominance and submission, wild parties, political intrigue, gambling, the mysteries of the harem and the power of one hot woman's Weapons of Mass Seduction to stop an impending genocide. These elements make it a splendid holiday for the Block Institute. Traditional Jews beware: this is not your Bubbe's Purim.

Not BakeSpace's fault that the term was co-opted a few decades ago by the BDSM community to denote their informal get-togethers, but hopefully no fetishists will show up ready to mingle and talk tech. Although that'd be kind of interesting.

Image via LAist.

Jomo Zambia tried to recruit an undercover police officer to work as a prostitute for him. He's since been convicted of pandering, the act of encouraging another to join the sex trade. His lawyer has come up with a crafty loophole and is arguing that pandering only applies when an innocent victim is targeted, and not someone already involved in sex work.

The California Supreme Court will be settling the matter in 90 days. In the meantime, the media has had a field day with the case, offering up images of fur-wearing, bejeweled, usually African American men to make the point that we don't seem to have a working definition of the word "pimp." Because that's really helpful.

Per CBS Los Angeles: "Is it the fast money and flashy cars, or is it the fish tank platform shoes? Whatever your personal opinion, the issue of when exactly someone becomes a pimp has reached the highest court in the state."

Over at LAist, Lindsay William-Ross writes: "Is it the neck laden with big, blingy gold chains? The omnipresent sunglasses, walking stick, or dapper hat? The animal print mixed with bold-colored garb?" What makes a pimp? The floss! Not his or her position in the sex trade or the coercion and abuse that occasionally accompany it. No, not that. It's a look, yo!