There is a card for every occasion, of this we have absolutely no doubt. Most recently, we have become enamoured of WrongCards, a collection made by a mysterious Australian with a wicked sense of humor and apparent fascination with ducks. We'll ignore the latter in favor of the product, which is, if we may, just the thing to ensure this week culminates in a proper fuckfest.
Hey, Wanna Fuck?
You could comment on their shoes and ask if they'd care to fuck or you can send them this. Something about the bodies and the awkward humor... if they laugh right in your face, you can always pretend they really liked the card. Otherwise, you're all set for a night of genital rubbing.
Always a good time.
They don't want commitment. You don't want commitment. Nothing like a friendly reminder of the fact that no one owes anyone anything except some screaming orgasms to get those juices going.
Or, you know, you could use it to put some distance between you and that person you feel is getting too serious about you. That's the kind of coward you are.
For Our Health
People think it's all about healthy living in this town, that we can't chug our multi-vitamin seaweed shakes fast enough or book enough yogalates classes into our solid schedules. The truth is that it's actually all about us. It's more noble to focus on our health and ailments than it is to just come out and admit you're a self-absorbed asshole.
So it makes perfect sense that we'd embrace this card. What could possibly be more alluring than making up a new problem to overcome? Extra points if you tell Dr. Drew all about it at the next cocktail party.
Spice Things Up!
Say you've been together a while, you can't really impress them with promises of locking yourselves up for a whole weekend of sexing because they know you hardly make the fifteen minute mark without cumming and passing out -- assuming you're not too tired to even start the process to begin with! In that case, we have the card that perfectly suits your passive aggressive needs!
The Coolidge effect may have hijacked your the dopamine rush, but you can still make good for a jolt by chucking yourselves into the arms of danger!
And then, of course, you have the friendly excuse note, for when you want to gracefully excuse yourself from an invite to an utterly mind-numbingly boring social engagement.
How could anyone hold it against you that you have such standards as to deny any invites to events that don't involve gorgeous models, right?
Just do us a favor and don't send it to your wife.