There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to online dating, except probably this: if you go to a party, don't leave your phone unattended, especially if you're in the middle of getting to know someone via a dating site that has a very easy to use app.
For your reading pleasure, a example of what can unfold. Shenanigans begin at "McJew."
So your husband is cheating. You've found out. You could go ballistic. You could file for divorce. You could sell him and that Amazon with no soul out to TMZ. But you're not like those people. No, you're a woman in possession of herself. You're mature. You're going to discuss it like adults.
So you send him a text about the nature of desire to open the conversation and let the rest unfold.
It's Monday morning, back to work for those of us who have those jobs with standard hours, back to the couch for all of you screenwriters and out of work actors. Whatever the case may be, we're all recovering from one hell of a weekend, and only one question remains...
We hope you had a good one, too.
Photo by Alice.
Let's call him John. John met Jen on the internet. He asked her out to coffee and she declined because, well, she's looking for more than a hookup. She wants something else, but it's hard to ask when she doesn't know what that is. It's not a relationship, exactly. It's just more than sex.
Finally, Jen accepted. She and John went for a walk instead of coffee and talked and had so much fun, they met again. And again.
John doesn't seem interested in sex. Jen dubs him "The Gentleman." Weeks pass and they start messing around, but it takes him a while to get around to sex. Finally, it happens. And he's surprisingly selfish. Jen removes the title of gentleman, but decides perhaps it's a matter of how events unfold. After all, she can't keep his dick out of her mouth. And he does say he wants to eat her out one of these days...
Then, one day, he texts her and announces (with great aplomb) that he is finally going to go down on her -- will she come over? He's being really kinky, too, saying he wants to make a video of Jen going down on him, which turns Jen on so much, she hardly has time to reply before she jumps in her car.
First, you need her phone number. Get it from her directly. This helps you gauge interest. If she hands it over, you know she wants a text. The rest is smooth sailing:
Try it sometime.
You know the type. He's just interesting enough. Not gloriously sexy, but not unattractive. Attentive and fun. You meet one night barcrawling and he's all over you. You're tipsy and into it. Why not? It's Saturday night. Anything goes. The night is calling for a culmination. You tell him you'll go home with him. He becomes reserved -- he has to make sure his friends get home. You recognize the language immediately. He's married. Or has a relationship of some kind. Whatever. It means "I can't host."
You let him go. You don't have time for men like this. There's only one problem -- he won't let you go. Over the next few hours, he barrages you with texts. Guess he found a place to meet you. Too little, too late. The desperation is palpable:
The web has facilitated the development of a new language, with its own symbols and meanings. Most of the time it works, but every once in a while...
Burning Man is right around the corner and for those of you sticking around town while your objects of interest venture forth into the depravity of the playa's wonderland, this can be a significantly stressful time. How do you let the person you're seeing know that you expect some degree of fidelity when you haven't yet had that conversation?
Behold the test messages flying back and forth between Century City and Marina del Rey:
What would you suggest she tell him?
Since the institution came around, much has been said about what makes a woman a "perfect wife." Tending to the household, rearing the children, standing by her man and so on and so forth.
Photo by Paula Gould.
Times have changed and while marriage is not the institution it once was, what with a staggering divorce rate and fewer people tying the knot, some things never change and this subject is one of them...
