Five Terrible Substitutes for Lube
Posted at 11:09 AM Jul 17, 2008
Lots of people feel like it's cheating to use lube - but I say, the wetter the better. There are a lot of great lubes on the market today, and a growing number of them are available in drug stores, so you never have to set foot in a sex shop if you don't want to. Despite that, people still use household materials as lube, and this is almost always a bad idea. You've got a little more leeway if you're a guy and you are going at it all by yourself, but if you're a woman, partnered with a woman, or using latex condoms, using slippery things that you can find around the house is a pretty terrible idea. Here are some don'ts and the reasons why they're bad:
1. Body wash/liquid soap/shampoo: There's definitely nothing wrong with giving your pubes a good scrub - this can get rid of loose hairs and make your pubic hair soft and silky. But while it's totally tempting to grab whatever you can for slippery fun in the shower, you'll probably regret using one of these as lube. Know how it stings when you get soap in your eyes? Well, your urethra is a mucous membrane too, and it'll probably feel like that when you get soap inside it. Excessive soap can also dry out your skin, especially the sensitive skin of your genitals, and if you're female, excessive use of soap on your genitals can encourage yeast infections. Try using a silicone lube instead - it's pretty water proof so you can use it while you're in the shower. And it won't sting.
2. Olive oil: Here's the thing - you might complain that "personal lubricants" that are intended for use during sex are expensive. But olive oil is definitely not cheaper than commercially available lubes. So, seriously, stop that. If you're a guy, using olive oil isn't the worst thing in the world, but if you're female, it will help to usher bacteria into your vagina. And don't even think of using it with condoms - anything oil-based will break down that latex and make it useless.
3. Crisco: Though it has a special place in many gay men's, um, hearts, there are a lot better materials than Crisco these days. Crisco was favored as an anal lube and lube for fisting because it stays put - but it breaks down latex, and there are other things available today. Lots of them come in tubs reminiscent of Crisco containers too: Boy Butter, Bottoms Up Butt Wax... et cetera.
4. Baby oil: Again, it's an oil, so you know what it does to condoms. Though not the worst of the worst, if you're a lady its a pretty lousy idea to get oil into your parts because of the potential for bacteria but also because it won't easily reabsorb into your body like a water-based lube will, so you'll be extra-slippery for probably longer than you'd like to be. The biggest risk for guys is probably just slopping the stuff all over - baby oil is really thin and you'll probably have a squirty, stainy mishap with the bottle.
5. Spit: Ok, technically this isn't a terrible idea at all, but spit is mostly good as an effect and to reactivate water-based lube once you've got it on there. On it's own, spit is better than nothing, but it won't really keep the fires stoked - it dries out quickly and you'll probably get tired of making it. If you're going to use spit with a partner, you might want to feel out their opinions on it before you hock a loogey on him or her. Some folks are into it, while others will kick your ass out of bed.
--Audacia Ray
How to Cast A Porn Movie Outside of Porn Valley
Posted at 1:12 PM Jul 10, 2008
In case you’re not a pornographer, here’s how you'd cast a standard-issue porn film if you’re in the Los Angeles area: visit the website of various porn agencies, like World Modeling or Spiegler Girls, search for the kind or performers you need (brunette who does girl/girl and has natural breasts? no problem), then call or email the agent with your request and the shoot info. Being in touch with a few different agencies is your best bet, so you'll have a contingency plan when performers are no-shows.
But things are a lot tougher if you're trying to make porn outside of Porn Valley and don't have the budget to fly performers in from LA. Here are some tips:
1. Make sure its legal to make porn where you’re at – some states have laws against hiring people to have sex. In New York, you’re a-ok… that is, you can hire people to have sex with you or each other in front of a camera, but not to have sex with you off camera. An important distinction.
2. Watch porn, get to know who is out there and where they live (but not in an overly creepy way) or travel (lots of female performers tour on the feature dancing circuit). Read porn gossip blogs, study up - this is the most fun part of the process.
3. Ask fellow travelers to recommend performers. Word of mouth is the best way to go, that way you can find out all about your would-be performers' habits in advance, so you can make sure to have that rum-and-coke ready for the porn star who demands such things on set.
4. Myspace, One Model Place and Sexyjobs.com. But don’t be that dude who emails a woman to say “have you ever thought about making porn?” if she doesn't indicate she's game for adult modeling. Women get this question all the time, and if they aren't interested in making porn, leave them alone.
5. It has to be said: Craigslist. Your #1 source for total amateurs. A crap shoot, but always entertaining. In the final product, you'll probably have a mix of experienced and amateur performers.
6. If you’re feeling extra-adventurous, hold an open casting call and advertise it through Craigslist and various social networking sites. Be sure to have a digicam with you so you can take awkward nudes of the folks who come to see you. Also bring a clipboard, which will make you look legit. Have some kind of forms for your wannabes to fill out. Ask stuff like: what are your measurements? What special talents do you have? Do you own any specialty clothing or props?
7. When auditioning a woman, your job is to make sure she feels comfortable and knows that her limits will be respected, and to make sure she doesn’t look massively different in person than she does in her carefully lit and photoshopped photos. And any respectful porn producer knows there are no casting couch freebies. Don't be creepy.
8. When auditioning a dude – especially ones who haven’t done porn before – your job is to make him uncomfortable, act totally uninterested in his dick, refuse to participate in any casting couch fantasy he might have. Then ask him to get a hard on. Keep acting booooored. If he can get it up, he might be cut out for porn.
9. You think playing match maker for yourself or your friends is hard? Try doing it with people who are going to be fucking on film. Be familiar with your performers do and don't lists, and ask them who they'd like to work with - your performers themselves can be an excellent casting tool.
10. Try to hire people who are flexible and might be willing to do more than one scene. This way, when someone doesn't show up on shoot day, you can double up - without porn agencies at your disposal, you have to be creative if you want to get your shoot done.
--Audacia Ray
Confessions of a Secret Sex Life
Posted at 2:00 PM Jun 19, 2008
With Showtime airing the UK's blog-inspired Secret Diary of a Call Girl (no editing! British accents!) in the United States for the first time this past Monday, I started looking around the literate smut parts of the web and realizing that there are an awful lot of sex blogs with the word "secret" or "confession" in their titles. Some blogs even use both words! I'm not going to snark at the idea that there's something secret or confessional about writing a sex blog - that part is pretty obvious. But who are these secret bloggers, and what are their confessions? Here are a few that are worth checking out.
Confessions of a College Call Girl - Though her posts are a little bit sporadic, College Call Girl (or CCG as she's known to her readers) is an incisive and insightful writer. Her top-secret identity allows her to be revealing - she doesn't just write about torrid affairs, but also the unpleasant aspects of being a girl for hire.
Secret Confessions of a Smart Girl - A self-proclaimed "literary exhibitionist," Rona gets into thinky and naughty detail about sexuality. She's not afraid to write herself into her questions about sexuality in the world, and the woes of being horny but picky.
Pocket Secrets - Blogger A. Secret just celebrated her one year blogoversary on detailing the intimate happenings between her and her sex partners. Written in short bursts of delicious detail, Pocket Secrets sticks with the carnal basics.
My Secret Life as a Prostitute - Laura's now-abandoned and archived blog is an oldie but a goodie, about her life as a regular girl who started experimenting with sex work. The blog was launched in 2004 and its author later took down a lot of the posts - thank goodness for Archive.org.
--Audacia Ray
Six Absurd "Sexy" Edibles
Posted at 12:19 PM Jun 12, 2008
In a post on the Blowfish blog last week, Greta Christina vents her frustration at the idea that mixing food and sex is a high form of kink:
...I could talk about the idea that combining sex with food — what Dan Savage calls “faux naughty, boring breeder kink” and Susie Bright calls (I’m paraphrasing here) “a vain attempt to get your lover to go down on you” — is wild and kinky and adventurous. Not that there’s anything wrong with combining sex with food, and not that sex is a competition . . . but if that’s your idea of cutting-edge modern sexual adventure, you need to go someplace where they’re doing flesh-hook suspensions and anal fisting.
To underscore her point, I just had to go around and collect some of the internet's finest (also known as grossest) sexy edibles. If you're a lady or love a lady, you should know that adding high fructose to the mix of vaginal juices is a surefire way of getting a yeast infection for most women. My advice is: laugh but don't touch.
Though I don't want to knock anything that people find fun or sexy, I find it depressing that people want to mask the taste of their own or their lovers' body. Sweat and come are part of what make sex fun, in my humble opinion.
--Audacia Ray
The Color Purple: Why Are So Many Sex Toys Purple These Days?
Posted at 2:17 PM Jun 05, 2008
"All colors have their meaning and associations, quickly conjuring ideas, emotions, and sentiments. I think this is particularly strong in terms of pink and blue, which have such deep gender associations. There is something about purple that still feels feminine, but not so much so that it is devoid of any masculinity. It is a playful color, but not as childlike as the primary colors. It can be fun, but by using the
darker purple, which seems to be the majority of the toys, it seems fun, sophisticated, and highend."
--Sarah Jacobs, curator of the Museum of Sex exhibition "Sex in Design/Design in Sex"
"Purple is a sexy yet neutral color. It's not gender specific, like blue or pink often are (even though they shouldn't be either).
Plus there's something sexy about purple. It feels like a passionate color, as much as a color "feels." I think of that store too, which reaffirms the passionate associations that purple may have for some people."
--Jamye Waxman, author of Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation and host of Personal Touch sex ed video series
"The original sex toys were flesh colored, and marketed to men, to buy for women. Toy makers eventually realized that women, who like their accessories to come in attractive and fun colors, were more likely to respond positively to the gift of a sex toy if it was a color other than 'flesh'. So 'pink' became the color for years. As more women became direct consumers of vibrators (ie, they shop themselves in places like Babeland), they were able to demand even more colors and styles, so purple, along with other colors (I've seen the whole range of pastels, jewel-tones, and leopard patterns over the years), was introduced. Today, pink and purple outsell the other colors by a margin of almost two to one, so those are the colors you see the most of!"
--Anne Semans, marketing director of Babeland
"The We-Vibe colour represents passion, royalty and longevity. The true We-vibe colour purple was chosen because of its purity."
--Bruce Murison, president and inventor of the We-Vibe
Five Things You Can Do to Battle Sex and the City Mania
Posted at 3:25 PM May 27, 2008
1. Instead of visiting the sites that the Sex and the City characters hung out in, create your own personal tour of the places in New York that are your sexy hot spots (the bar bathroom you gave a drunken blow job in, the restaurant you had a terribly hilarious date in, etc).
2. Build your fantasies around actual personal achievement and adventure (sexual and otherwise), not wardrobe and housing.
3. Demand better sex writing. Carrie Bradshaw "I wonder"-isms aren't actually all that insightful. She may look cute typing away at her Mac, but Carrie isn't really digging in. Seek out good writing about sex and relationships that doesn't prescribe a solution to all your woes.
4. Learn about the world of sex toys beyond "the rabbit." Just because it's the ultimate vibrator for a fictional character doesn't mean it's the perfect companion for any woman.
5. Have some (preferably lots of) sex instead of talking about it over brunch. Whether it's with yourself or with one or five of your sexy friends, clock some sweaty time on the sheets.
--Audacia Ray
Five Household Pervertables
Posted at 12:55 PM May 20, 2008
There's plenty of high end BDSM gear on the market - and it's all shiny and pretty and makes you want to own it and then smack people around with it (or be smacked around with it). But if you're just getting started, or you find yourself stranded at a vanilla relative's home without your toy bag, there are plenty of things you can grab around the house that you can use to get your thrills.
Clothespins - classic nasties. The big bags they come in means that you can busy yourself strategically placing them all over. Most clothespins have a good amount of bite to them - to gentle them up a big, roll up some magazines and clamp them on there for a week or so. This will loosen them up a bit so they aren't quite so intensely grabby.
Wooden spoon - They're cheap, readily available, and make nice percussive sounds. Spatulas are nice too.
Saran wrap - Mummification anyone? Fun for wrapping someone up like a fleshy Christmas present, and works great as a dental dam for cunnilnigus/annilingus.
Snake bite kits - Depending on the part of the country you live in, snake bite kits are available in drug stores. Great for nipples and clits, they create intense suction wherever you stick them. Lots of sex shops stock these as well, but with a price mark up.
Vegetables - Not just any old vegetables, the phallic shaped ones. For extra fun, sautee and serve them to your lover when you're done. And if you're planning on using those organics anally, spend some time sculpting yourself a flared base. No one will believe that you slipped and fell in the garden if you go to the ER with a zucchini lost in your rectum.
--Audacia Ray
Six Sexy Collectibles: Not Your Mother's Lladro
Posted at 2:01 PM May 13, 2008
--Audacia Ray
5 Tips for Hot Menstrual Sex
Posted at 6:00 PM May 08, 2008
So, you've decided that you're going to have period sex - no, not the kind where you dress up in period costumes and then bang underneath your bustle, but the kind where the lady is menstruating. Yay for you! Here are some tips for an optimal experience.
1. Don't use gross euphemisms like "getting your red wings" - sure, having period sex for the first time is a rite of passage, but come on. Not cool.
2. A shower beforehand can help to staunch the flow a little bit, if you want to minimize the mess. Sex in the shower itself is always a good way to go, for easy clean up.
3. If you want to use a menstrual product while you're doing it to really minimize the blood, I recommend the Instead Softcup or the menstrual sponge. The sponge is 100% soft, while the cup has a hard (but flexible) edge that can sometimes be felt by the penetrating partner, depending on anatomy and positions. Both are used successfully by prostitutes who see clients while they are menstruating and don't want the guy to know about it.
4. Check out some menstrual porn: Furry Girl's Erotic Red is awesome and body positive, as is Bloody Trixie (the two models are pictured above). Stay away from the sites that fetishize menstrual products instead of celebrating the women themselves.
5. Just friggin' get messy. Self-consciousness can be an issue for the lady involved, but if you accept your period as a part of life and don't accept the idea that you should refrain from fucking for a week every month, you'll get over the ick factor. And remember: orgasms are a great way to relieve cramps. If that doesn't get you on the red sex train damn quickly, I don't know what will.
--Audacia Ray
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recent posts
- Five Impressive Pole Dance Videos
- Five Terrible Substitutes for Lube
- How to Cast A Porn Movie Outside of Porn Valley
- Confessions of a Secret Sex Life
- Six Absurd "Sexy" Edibles
- The Color Purple: Why Are So Many Sex Toys Purple These Days?
- Five Things You Can Do to Battle Sex and the City Mania
- Five Household Pervertables
- Six Sexy Collectibles: Not Your Mother's Lladro
- 5 Tips for Hot Menstrual Sex
- Eight Niche Dating Sites You Didn't Know Existed
- Five Tips for Picking a Chick's Porn Name
- Top Ten Crazy/Sexy Tattoos
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