Sex Worker Rant runs on Wednesdays (but is a day late this week!) and is written by Renegade Evolution, a sex worker, sexual mercenary, and all around fan of “The Sexy” living somewhere near our nation’s capital. Quirky might as well be her middle name.

In my business, you hear a lot of strange things, but I have to say, some of the funniest things, or conversely, some of the most grimly amusing things I've heard have been uttered on the generally modest (ahem) or barren sets of low budget gonzo pornography. Now granted, I have a very, very strange sense of humor, but I thought I'd share with you a few of my favorite utterances that have escaped the lips of people on such locations. I will not lay claim to or deny my involvement in any of these gems…

"Fuck, that stings! Hold still, let me fling some in your eyes!"

"Poison Oak? Thank god, I thought it might be herpes!"

"Dude, my ass is burning, could you hold that light a little lower?"

"Please stand by for erectional difficulties…"

"Umm, I'm going to need more lube for that…a lot more."

"Platform heels run less risk of causing open flesh wounds."

"Can you hold that position? I really need to pee!"

"Okay, so this leg goes here, and this one here, and my head is like this…where is his cock going again?"

(amid frustrated cursing) "What do you mean the fucking camera died before the pop?"

"If I'm going to be licking this floor in twenty minutes, I'm going to be mopping it now."

And my all time favorite?

"You know, this stuff really does actually work as hair gel?"

And who says we don't live interesting lives? The one I personally like to say the most however is… "You're willing to pay me that? For that? Well then, let's do some business!"

Read Renegade Evolution's blog here.

In general, Ellen Stagg keeps busy taking pictures of hot porn girls. But I can see why she felt compelled to take photos of this man and his cock. Books + cock. You can't go wrong. Well, maybe you can, if the books are from either the "Chicken Soup for Your Soul" or "For Dummies" series.

Audacia Ray

Fun Factory's Sinnflut series of rechargeable vibrators is nothing short of awesome, so I guess they figured they'd mix it up stylistically a bit. The Benjamin Bond functions just like the other Sinnfluts, with a base it stands in for recharging, but its got a stylistic nod to bondage.

--Audacia Ray

The porn star's urge to merge with the mainstream is a time-honored tradition, but the mainstream celebrity urge to merge with the porn world is traditionally a public secret a la the oops-its-public-but-really-a-brokered-deal sex tape. And rock stars and porn stars are basically cut from the same cloth, so I'm not so sure that I buy the whole "world's first celebrity porn site." That said Evan Seinfeld, the singer of Biohazard and husband to Tera Patrick, has got his own site now -Rock Star Pimp- and I'm all for porn sites being built around male talent.

--Audacia Ray

Midwesterner Jesse Cox is a mentor for at-risk teens, an exotic dancer, and an artist. The combination of her identities has led her to make sympathetic and interesting portraits of her fellow exotic dancers. This piece is just one of the series of collage paintings she's done in her series Unstripped.

--Audacia Ray

Fringe NYC kicks off this Friday and runs through August 24th. While there are plenty of great things to see and experience at the festival, only some of them are sexy.

Here are the Naked City picks for sexiness:

III [three]
joes & co.
Writer: Joe Salvatore
Director: Joe Salvatore, Assistant Director: Ryan Weible
A real life, all-male m�nage-a-trois (1927-1943) between the photographer George Platt Lynes and one of the great artistic couples of the 20th century: writer Glenway Wescott and MOMA curator Monroe Wheeler. Never an even split, always emotionally charged. 1h 40m
VENUE #8: The Cherry Lane Theatre
Wed 13 @ 4:15
Thu 14 @ 9
Fri 15 @ 6:45
Wed 20 @ 4:15
Sat 23 @ 7

52 Man Pickup
Working Man's Clothes Productions
Writer: Desiree Burch
Director: Isaac Byrne
Sex and chance find their blessed union in this daring, fast-paced, memoir-manifesto, "52 Man Pickup", a salacious evening of story telling, stand-up, and sex toys - a high-spirited romp through the city that never sleeps with the same person twice.
1h 20m
VENUE #6: The Jazz Gallery
Thu 14 @ 7:45
Mon 18 @ 9:15
Wed 20 @ 5:30
Thu 21 @ 10
Sat 23 @ 3

Anais Nin Goes to Hell
Maieutic Theatre Works
Writer: David Stallings
Director: Cristina Alicea
Imagine an island in hell with Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, and Queen Victoria...waiting for their men. What happens when women's lib icon Anais Nin arrives to turn their afterlife upside down? 2007 First Prize Winner Boston Theatre Works Unbound Festival. 2h 20m
VENUE #17: The Connelly Theater
Fri 8 @ 9:45
Sun 10 @ 9:30
Sun 17 @ 7:15
Thu 21 @ 5:15
Sun 24 @ 2:45

The Boss in the Satin Kimono [pic at top]
Fabulous Productions
Writer: Blake Hackler
Director: Susanna Gellert
Nuns! Whores! Lesbians! Social Workers! Song! Dance! Tapestries! Join Lady Maybelline and company as they fight to save their "ecumenical clinic for men in need" from the evil moral majority! Looking for family fun? You won't find it here!. 1h 30m
VENUE #15: Theatres at 45 Bleecker Street - The Bleecker Street Theatre
Sat 9 @ 2:30
Sun 10 @ 9:30
Fri 15 @ 7:30
Sat 16 @ 2:45
Tue 19 @ 3

MORE AFTER THE JUMP

Chicago-based adult model and writer Alix Lakehurst blogs and hocs her wares on her website We Could Be Naked. She's an interesting and honest voice in the adult industry - well worth reading, and not just because she shows off her boobs a lot.

Naked City editor Audacia Ray asked Alix about entering the porn biz in her 30s, being curvy, working in Chicago, and being an exhibitionist.

Audacia Ray: You came into modeling and the porn business later in life than the average porn girl – what drew you to the business? When you were in your early twenties, did you think you'd be doing porn in your thirties?

Alix Lakehurst: I spent my 20's drinking, smoking pot and doing coke. This sounds bad. I grew up in a very stable family, my parents loved me but I was always rebellious. The addiction came way before my foray into porn. I didn't start porn because I was raped, beaten, or abandoned. In fact my main decision to start getting naked was when I was completely sober.

Around 30 I met Mike McPadden- the one and only Selwyn Harris- who edits Mr Skin here in Chicago. He loved the way I talked very dirty. I was uninhibited, loved running around naked and getting my picture taken. I started writing for him.

I landed a coveted interview with Christy Canyon and couldn't believe how beautiful and centered she was. I met my porn idol, and I felt a kinship with her immediately.
Growing up with big boobs, I wasn't fond of them. But she made them sexy and real. I blogged my journey to that interview on Road to Christy Canyon and occasionally showed the comparison of our breasts. My popularity grew and I started We Could Be Naked. The modeling and porn offers followed. I don't work every day in fact I'm lucky if I get a paid job a month but I have no problem having a staple on my belly button. I mostly work on my site and what I want to accomplish with it.

To answer your question, in my twenties, I thought I'd be dead by my thirties.

Three more questions and their answers, plus more pictures, after the jump.

The NY Post is reporting that Jenna Jameson and her boyfriend Tito Ortiz are expecting a baby. Maybe. Sources say.

If this is just a rumor, it probably won't be long now before Jenna is expecting - she's long said that she really wants a family. Though I cringe a little in expectation of the jokes that will be made at her expense, I'm really eager to see how she manages parenthood in the inevitable public spotlight.

--Audacia Ray

Career highlights: I've been writing Wanton Maleness for close to five years now (this Dec.). I honestly can't remember exactly how I got started. I was reading some sex blogs - Eros Blog, Twiddly Bits and Dirty Talking Girl seem to come to mind- and got the idea of doing it myself. Given my exhibitionist tendencies, it was a very exciting notion. I talked with my wife, Pianti, and we hashed it over and decided to go for it. A few days of setting up and coding and what not, and the blog was born. The name comes from a joke between Pianti and I.

My blog isn't the most popular, I'm sort of the D-list I suppose, but I get my fair share of readers, and have been recognized for my writing by Jane's Guide and have been included in the Fleshbot Sex Blog Roundup eleven times. I know a lot of people say they write for themselves, and if the readers enjoy it, great, but I'll be honest and say it is 50-50'ish for me. I do like writing this for myself, but I also do it to instill reactions and bring some fun, and if I do it right, arouse others. So when I find people enjoy what I do, I'm thrilled to death.

When I first started Wanton Maleness, there weren't a whole lot of male voices in the blogosphere, much less ones that were married with children. I enjoy being able to write about the awesome sex that I have, and it's with my wife no less. It has been a place to chronicle our adventures as we grow and experiment. Over the last five years, our perspectives have broadened, going from a standpoint of a simple approach to sex, to enjoying playing with rope, BDSM, trying an open marriage and even seeing where my bi-curiosity takes me.

Everything I write is true and real, and happened in our bed, or wherever as the case may be. It may not be a perfect blow by blow description, my memory sucks at times I admit, and as a mostly stay at home dad, I have to find time to write, but it is as close to accurate as I can make it. I like writing true tales because that is what I like to read, it is what gets me going.

True Lust: What turns me on? Is it unfair to say everything? The wife believes me to be a sensualist, and I am hard pressed to argue. Everything from sights leading to, the words spoken, touching, being touched, the scent of my wife, each thing individually sets me off but all combined, work towards doing me in. As each layer settles to form the whole, it heightens all my sensations and I am lost in a world of pleasure. My favorite part though, is when you are having sex, full on boogie, to the tilt, and the world doesn't matter anymore, your focus is right there, right now. Where all that matters is pleasing each other is of the highest paramount, and to quit is to die. I love that moment.

Here's a short excerpt from a post that the blogger and his wife consider among their best, entitled Pssst...Come Here:

So I am out front chatting on the computer while she was in back, getting ready for bed I figured. I was getting a cookie off the kitchen table when movement catches my eye and I look up. Pianti is standing at the beginning of the hallway, leaning against the wall, with a foot crossed in front of the other, wearing nothing but a Sunday hat, a pair of pretty lacy tangas and these high heeled wedges. I don't know if my jaw dropped but I am pretty sure the cookie fell from my hands. I just turned and shut the monitor off without saying a word to those I was chatting with (sorry ladies). Following her down the hall, she was a vision of gorgeous. Her legs from calf to thigh looked beautiful, and she had a sway to her ass that was hypnotizing.

Figurine maker LW Studio has a variety of Japanese anime style sexy figurines available, including this amazing Magical Knight Princess Tear. Girls and tentacle sex, it's hard to go wrong. I'm pretty in love with the Decency Leaf, that really classes it up.

--Audacia Ray

I found this piece via A Slip of a Girl, and I concur that it's not exactly designed to be worn under a tee shirt - or really under anything. It's on offer from Faire Frou Frou and comes only in aqua - though I'm partial to other colors, I admire the bravado of a designer that offers a piece in one color.

--Audacia Ray

Self taught, Madrid-based painter Nicoletta Tomas has an ever-growing portfolio of work. Her Lovers series, mostly acrylic on canvas pieces, features entwined couples - the images of evocative of both eroticism and sadness.

--Audacia Ray

[Via Cajon de Sastre]

On Tuesdays, Charlie Vazquez writes Gotham After Dark, a peek into what goes on in Manhattan's queer nightlife, with club and event reports and profiles of fascinating New Yorkers.

Last winter my boyfriend and I went to see Amber Martin perform at the now-deceased Rapture Café and were quickly embroiled in the comic dementia and brazen sexuality of her dozens of freaky characters. After making us laugh non-stop for nearly two hours, the pretty, curly-haired Ms. Martin ran out of the café wearing nothing but cowboy boots, tape on her nips and a fuzzy “thing” covering her womanhood. Everyone looked at each other thinking the same thing—did she really just run out onto Avenue A nearly naked?

Ms. Martin (a self-declared “Scorpio girl-child”) claims that her performance history began when she learned how to orgasm as a little girl, in the bathtub, by letting water fall from the faucet onto her clit. But a move many years later to Portland, Oregon (from her native Texas) served as the launch-pad that inspired her to create a pantheon of wacky alter-egos that are impossible to forget. As a means to showcase her magnificent voice, she began inventing these characters to cover music from her massive vinyl collection. After dabbling in multimedia with friends, she helped to found House of Cunt Performance Group in Portland, who performed two-hour shows with no intermission—instantly becoming the performance pariahs of the Portland underground.

A move to New York has thrown her into a larger and more complex performance landscape—but this girl, in addition to having performed with Justin Bond and Lady Rizo, is also a Drammy Award-winner and DJ (you can catch her after 8PM, every Monday at Lucky Strike, Grand St, Soho). With a busy month ahead, there are a few opportunities to catch Amber in dirty action. Her characters come to life at the next Queer Fetish, on Sunday, August 24th (www.queerfetishnyc.com) and you can also see her read filth at Mr. Black on August 8th. She also DJs at Mattachine—a clandestine, well-attended queer night of music held at the legendary Julius bar in the West Village—if you’re lucky to hear about it.

Charlie Vazquez is a Brooklyn-based writer, part-time fetish clown and the assistant to Diamanda Galás--but really, he's nice.

Gay porn is not known for being coy. That continues to be true with brand new site Wrestle and Fuck. While it's true that most porn site names are pretty straight forward, this one is more so. Except if you want to get technical it looks like there's mixed martial arts happening, so it isn't totally accurate. I'll let it fly though.

--Audacia Ray